Fall Fest

No matter how many times I listened to “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire or wore my knee-length wool socks, the weather wouldn’t get any cooler during September. I’m starting to think that that’s not how it works.

There’s something magical about fall. It’ll make you want to stay in bed all day, re-reading Harry Potter books and watching Nora Ephron films. For food there’s lemon poppyseed muffins, hot apple cider in a pumpkin-shaped mug, and a cauldron full of Fireball on Halloween night. My fall wardrobe is usually my favorite: knee-high socks, black tights, sweaters, and scarves. 

One month is not enough time to get into the Halloween spirit, so I had to start putting out my Halloween decorations in September. I did this by putting up my Halloween-themed mask signs, putting out my “trick or treat” doormat, and by creating and taping some spooky, scary bats throughout my Halloween hallway. Donna Reed has nothing on my homemaking abilities. 

As an RA, I am encouraged to provide condoms for my floor, which I organized as my condom-spider-web-door. I have to replenish it quite often. Good for my residents. 

In case you are wondering what the sign at the top of the door says, it says:

A message from your RA:

“Don’t let your affection cause an infection, put some protection on that erection.”


*please check expiration dates before using

I set all of my Halloween decorations up and then waited for everyone else to do the same. I wanted oversized pumpkins, crunchy, fiery leaves, and spooky films. I was impatient for them. 

Then, lo and behold, on the last day of September, I felt it: 

A palpable chill in the air. 

Fall is upon us! 

Cue Earth, Wind, and Fire!

For my first RA event of the year, on said last day of September, Bella and I put on a “Free Britney, Free Cookies event.” You may otherwise refer to it as “toxic cookies.” It was a cookie decorating contest with Britney Spears playing in the background in order to celebrate her recent freedom. We had a terrific turnout. I was dressed in proper “Baby One More Time” attire, so, naturally, it was the one day it was cold. 

I was given a blanket

The very next day, I was fully in the throes of my Friday afternoon, buying an overpriced latte at a local coffee shop and a kitschy new millennial book from a local bookstore. I received a tarot card reading from my fellow RA Casey. Since few students show up at RA events, and since I promised myself that I will always get a tarot card reading whenever I encounter one, I was at their service.

I always ask for a reading on a different aspect of my life each time. Last time I asked about my love life- yikes– so this time I asked about my career. I didn’t ask about my career the first time around because I always knew that it would be fabulous, but I wouldn’t mind having it confirmed.

Son of Pentacles 

I will be committed and dedicated to my craft, perhaps at the expense of my other relationships in life, but I already knew that when it came to my writing career. I will give everything to it and it will give everything back to me, which is what I like to hear. All in all, the future looks bright. 

It’s bright out in that fall weather
That’s better!

A few hours later, I screened “Addams Family Values,” to kick off the first of October, as my RA consent event. Morticia and Gomez have a pretty grand (consensual) romance, making it the only family values that you’ll ever need. Unfortunately, only one person came, which is to be expected with RA events. Afterwards, at a far more well-attended event, I went to a rock concert at the amphitheatre, where I third wheeled left, right, and center.

People were sitting on the large stone walls, laying down the aisles, and standing directly in front of the bands. If this were an indoor event the whole thing would have been a fire hazard. We were treated to some Sarah Lawrence talent, the bands “Remove the Balloon” and Moxie,” which we responded to with a mild mosh pit that was Sarah Lawrence’s attempt at a rave. 

The very next day was Fall Fest, my school’s cottage core themed fall celebration. There was a polaroid station, a book swap, an essential oil making station, a stuffed animal stuffing station, and a buffet, all with crisp weather and blankets set out on the lawn to enjoy it.

I spent time with Alexis and Anahat, meeting a few new people, while drinking apple cider and eating tiny pies. The event lasted for hours and made for a relaxing fall day, not counting my being ambushed by an overzealous dog who ate the rest of my pie. 

It’s developing…
It’s developed! (I love polaroids)

Fall had officially begun and other people, not just me, could enjoy that infectious Halloween feeling.

Happy fall, yall!

The Tragic Queen,


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