The Theatre, Darling

My mother’s friend David, a self-described show queen, always sees as many broadway shows as he can when he comes to New York City. 

This time, he invited my mother and me to tag along. 

The first show that we saw was Cats: The Jellicle Ball, a remake of Cats that recreates the gay balls of the 80s and 90s. The actors were voguing across the stage, their asses moving like jello. They were doing the most intense dancing you’ve ever seen, while making it look effortless, then slinking, cat-like, across the stage. The whole show was an enjoyable assault to the senses, onstage and off, as theatre-goers shouted things like “YES BITCH” and “YES QUEEN” at the performers. Everywhere people were flapping their fans to the beat of the music whenever they heard something that they liked. There was nothing but pure joy and energy in the audience. 

(I recommend watching the documentary Paris is Burning before seeing this show in order to get context about the different houses and mothers).

The next day, we went to see Masquerade, an interactive remake of The Phantom of the Opera. It was like being in a haunted house and a musical at the same time. We went up and down escalators, being waved through the building by ushers, as the show churned around us. I sat close enough that the phantom’s cloak touched me more than once, as did Christine’s dress. 

It was an interactive performance in which we drank complimentary champagne as a violinist played the ouverture, were handed flowers to throw at the performers, and wore masquerade masks. I waltzed with one of the performers and during the freak show segment, a woman hammered nails into her nose, and then selected me from the audience to pull out one of the nails. It truly was deep in that woman’s nose: I can attest. 

Everyone had flawless singing voices. This play was also an assault to the senses, but the kind where you feel immersed in the dark world of the show, inhaling dry ice.

If you’re not already familiar with the plots of Cats and Phantom of the Opera, don’t try to follow the plot of these musicals.

They were the definition of “no plot, just vibes.”

After that, we watched Chess, starring Lea Michele. 

The story was told mainly via narration and had no set pieces. There were soporific ballads, clunky chess metaphors, and attempts to modernize its political commentary by making snarky jabs at Trump and Biden. I zoned out during nearly every song, not interested in whatever they were singing about. Chess is the kind of musical where they start singing a song two seconds after the previous song has ended and if they need to explain something they do it through a musical number. 

Parts of it were enjoyable, like the Russian dancing and the One Night in Bangkok number but overall, Chess was my least favorite show of the weekend.

Following Chess, we went to see Death of a Salesman, starring Nathan Lane as Willy Loman. 

Attention was PAID.

It was the creme della creme of Broadway theatre with Laurie Metcalf playing Linda in a play written by Arthur Miller. Lane nailed every monologue, his face turning beat red as he shouted through his miserable life.

The car and dirt were on stage the entire time, foreshadowing his looming death. Spoiler: the salesman dies.

It is an existential play that questions what the point of life even is. It covers universal themes about the human condition, with an American lilt, as it depicts how unattainable the American Dream truly is. This production used modern costumes and props that convey how little has changed in corporate America since the time that Arthur Miller was writing about.

I found Willy Loman to be a complicated and largely unsympathetic character who represented much of American life at the time through his role as a salesman, living a meaningless life and then dying a meaningless death.

Nathan Lane as Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller on Broadway: it doesn’t get any better than that. 

For our final performance, we watched Operation Mincemeat, the number one musical on Broadway. 

It has a gender-bent, replacement cast and a Nazi hiphop musical number that takes you VERY much by surprise. There were two second costume changes in every scene. A few times I blinked and missed the wardrobe change. Every one of them could sing and dance and had flawless comic timing. As if that wasn’t enough, they all had phenomenal chemistry. 

It was funny, but poignant as it talked about the human cost of war. The theater was full of weeping patrons during a musical number that explores the personal consequences of warfare. 

It was the perfect note to end our broadway tour on. 

But wait, there’s more…

A few days later, because I hadn’t had enough theatre, I went to see The Play That Goes Wrong with a friend.

As the title implies, a theater troupe is putting on a play– a whodunnit set in the English countryside– and everything that could go wrong, does go wrong. The entire stage falls apart around them, people get knocked unconscious, and bodies are dragged away, but the show must go on. The stage manager and the light and sound guy are integral characters in the show, trying to keep a sinking ship afloat. The show is all physical comedy, bordering on parkour at one point. The audience was losing its mind, shouting at the actors on stage the entire time. I laughed so hard I cried. 

All in all, it was an amazing week of theater. I laughed, I cried, but overall I enjoyed.

I had the chance to see six different shows, each one completely different from the last, but all of them were feasts for the senses. I was able to witness some incredible talent all around. 

My favorite was easily Operation Mincemeat, followed by The Play That Goes Wrong, Death of a Salesman, Jellicle Ball, Masquerade, and Chess in that order. Hopefully, if you’re in New York City soon, you’ll be able to attend some spectacular shows as well. 

(I’m holding out hope that I’ll be able to see Megan Thee Stallion in Moulin Rouge)

The Tragic Queen,

Raquel

P.S.: Check out my latest blog post on a different New York City experience from when I attended The Experts Only Music Festival

2023 Royal Portrait

Singular Royal Portrait

/rɔɪəl pɔːʳtreɪt/ Noun.

  1. A representation of a member of a royal family
  2. A photo shoot I do every year with a friend in order to get a smokin’ hot photo of myself for my blog and holiday card

It was that time of year again, where I take an obnoxious amount of photos of myself for my blog and holiday card and post them for the world to see. 

Now, you may have noticed that it is mid-April, but we are just going to ignore that and just enjoy the pictures that I did put on my holiday card, because sometimes, it is hard to get around to posting your royal portrait photos.

Padgett came over for my “royal portrait” photoshoot, bringing with her a special light and her phone. What I wanted this year was to take a picture with my cat– something I assumed wouldn’t be a lofty goal.

I leaned in to take a picture with her. Suspicious of my intentions, she gave chase. 

It took us an embarrassingly long amount of time to catch her, which we eventually did by cornering her in my bedroom. The only thing missing was the Benny Hill theme song. 

What I was going for:

What I got after cornering my cat:

After still failing to get a decent picture, Calypso darted out of my room. My cat may never forgive me for trying to get a picture with her, despite rescuing her from a 17 cat litter in what I’m pretty sure was a trailer park.

A photo of us when she still trusted me

Otherwise, the shoot was lovely. My face was not behaving, but that’s nothing that a little alcohol couldn’t fix. I’m sure that that’s how the real models do it, anyway. 

I changed clothes, I played music, and in the end I got some great pictures, with or without my cat’s cooperation. 

Shoutout to Padgett for sacrificing life and limb to lean over my bannister to get a picture of me lying on the floor.

BTS

For the original shoot, I wanted the cover to say Happy Holidays, with a nice respectable photo of myself, and then the back to be a messy jumble to prove why we truly needed to be wished luck in the new year. 

Proof that I read books sometimes

Instead, I did what I do every year, which was have a nice photo on the front and a 2023 candid shot on the back.

The front of the card:

Taken seconds before she ran away from me

The back of the card:

So, Happy Holidays

And a Happy New Year

The Tragic Queen,

Raquel