My brother insists that I’m too heavily influenced by TV, which is correct, but completely beside the point. I’m trying to eat healthier because I heard about a macrobiotic diet (on House) and decided that I want to incorporate aspects of that into my diet.
A macrobiotic diet is supposed to be a lifestyle, but knowing me, as I do, I know that I can’t commit to an entire lifestyle change, especially when it comes to food. So, I’m hoping that if I eat one healthy meal a day I’ll be in good standing with my own personal health.
A macrobiotic diet, which is popular among female celebrities and cancer patients, derives mostly from Japanese cuisine. It claims to restore balance and help you to achieve inner peace, which I think we could all use a little bit of right now. On this diet, a person is expected to eat foods such as brown rice, eggs, plenty of vegetables, and otherwise healthy things. Since we all know that healthy food is the worst and that junk food tastes the best, I’m looking for inventive new ways to eat healthy food that doesn’t taste like carpeting.
The day I started this pseudo-diet I had oatmeal for breakfast, followed by homemade fried brown rice, bok choy, and a scrambled egg. Then I proceeded to undo all of that by eating mint chocolate chip gelato, potato chips, white cheddar cheese popcorn, M&M’s, a crispy chicken sandwich, and girl scout cookies. In my defense, it was movie night and since I incurred a stomach ache, I don’t believe I should also suffer judgement.
I stuck to this plan of eating my fried rice everyday for lunch for over a month, a big step up from my previous status of midnight ramen. For breakfast I always have Earl Grey tea with a buttered bagel and then dinner is whatever I get from the Barb. So here I am, shoveling poorly-seasoned brown rice and bok choy into my mouth, in the name of good health.
I bought the super foods while out on the town during a grocery run with my friend Anahat, a person who I hadn’t seen in a literal year. We are now each other’s grocery store buddies, just to ensure that we actually do go to the grocery store at some point.
For fun, I ended up eating mint chocolate chip gelato with thin mints as I watched “Pieces of a Woman” (I ate the ice cream and cookies at the beginning of the film, but probably should have done so at the end, when the tears were making their way forward). I’ve been watching old tv shows from my childhood to see how they hold up. Spoiler alert: they do not. I was easily amused as a child and should now apologize to my parents for how much I tormented them.
Every night my plan is to go to bed by 11 pm, but then something happens and suddenly it’s 3 am and I’m still awake, not fully aware of what I’ve been doing for the past few hours. I try to read before bed instead of mindlessly scrolling on social media, so that it can lower my heart rate, help me sleep better, and give me a superiority complex.
There is a bit of good news though. For once, I got a chance to hang out with some of my friends, since my friend Theo’s 21st birthday was the very next day. We watched “Fish Tank,” a Michael Fassbender film featuring some early 2000s cringe and thick British accents.
Him and his roommate Tyler live in an apartment off campus, which means they have lawn chairs for kitchen chairs and a poker table for a kitchen table, which might be my favorite way to design an apartment. I nearly destroyed their microwave when I accidentally put a sandwich in it with the tin foil wrapper still on. My friends could see the glow of the microwave in front of the movie we were projecting, prompting them to all turn their heads when they all saw a blue flame. In my defense, I was doing this in the dark and thought that it was plastic wrap, which I have since been told is also not great in microwaves. I also should get credit for turning off the microwave within four seconds.
The group then decided to pause the movie and watch me while I ate, just in case. The party, overall, was loads of fun. I wore an unnecessary, full-face of makeup, simply because I was excited to just be leaving the dorm.
Recently, I also gave an informal tour of my beloved school to a visiting girl that is considering coming to Sarah Lawrence. Even though we couldn’t go into most of the buildings, we walked around the campus and Bronxville, while I advocated for the school that has served me well. They seem to take my view of things, which is that Bronxville and Sarah Lawrence are absolutely stunning.
Easter Sunday is here and it’s the first time I have spent it without my family. My mother, who believes in making everything festive and giving everything a sense of occasion, still places Easter eggs around the house and enjoys concocting a scavenger hunt for me and my brother. In recent years, the scavenger hunt has taken place all across town, with our family friends playing along and Bobby and myself driving around town in my car, in our pajamas. We quite literally follow clues that send us to my friend Padgett’s house to retrieve the next clue from her mother, before moving on to my brother’s friend’s house. The clues say things like: Raquel’s friend who has a menagerie of animals. At the end of it, there’s a massive basket with things like movies, extra pajama pants, maybe a bathing suit, and lots of chocolate.
This year my mother just mailed us the basket contents, which was a pile of fake grass, chocolate eggs, and some cash. I definitely missed spending time with them. My mother likes to play Gregorian chants in the morning on actual Easter Day while cooking up her Polish food. I’m more than just a little bit happy that I missed the two hour long Easter Vigil mass where we stand in my church’s parking lot, lighting candles while mosquitoes bite our ankles.
Between the dieting, the binge-watching, the occasional hangouts with friends, and the uneventful late nights, I’ve got plenty to keep me busy, aside from the school work. The weather is now at the perfect temperature to lay out on the lawn so I’ll be doing that soon.
The Tragic Queen,
P.S. Happy Easter! Or Happy Passover! Or Vernal Equinox! Or whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year!